I drive the older kids to the bus stop. We rarely miss the bus, although there have been a few times when I've pulled up just in time to see the bus driving away. This morning, however, we arrived JUST IN TIME. The bus was just getting ready to turn into the subdivision when I got there. I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I was neither too early nor too late. I would go so far as to say I had PERFECT timing this morning.
Until the following conversation occurred.
Me: Wow, we couldn't have timed it much better, huh?
14 year old son: Or much worse.
Me: Why would you say that? I got you to the bus right on time!
14 year old son: Not too smart to get here at the SAME time as the bus.
Me: Would you rather WALK to the bus stop? I got you here right when you needed to be! It's not too smart to talk to your mom that way, either!
(Okay, so I probably could have left that last comment out, right?)
On the way back home, I was pretty upset. Okay, REALLY upset. I try to do the best I can for the kids - making sure they get where they need to go when they need to be there, providing for their needs in the best possible way, helping them with homework or whatever when they need it....I was thinking how ungrateful my son is for all that I do for him.
Then I was convicted BIG TIME.
It occurred to me (through no act of coincidence - this was totally a God speaking to my heart moment) that the way my son acted this morning was the way I often act towards God.
I want something to happen, I want to "be somewhere" in my life at a certain time. And God gets me where I need to be. At the PERFECT TIME. Not too soon, not too late. RIGHT ON TIME.
But do I always have a positive outlook on that? I'm ashamed to say I don't. I often selfishly complain (in my head, if not out loud for others to hear) about not getting to be where I wanted when I wanted to be there. I am prone to be a pessimist, and sadly, even when I get exactly what I want, I'm not always satisfied with the timing of it.
Which brought me back to how I was feeling about my son's response this morning. I was hurt, angry, and feeling pretty low about what he said.
How does God feel when I act the same way? I can only guess that His feelings would be even MORE magnified. He's got millions of children (myself included) who are selfish and sometimes act like He's only there to serve them, instead of the opposite. And I'm complaining about ONE??
Lord, thank you for the lesson. Like most growing experiences, it hurt a little, it made me uncomfortable, and it made me think about where my heart is. As I often find, it's not in the right spot. But I'm trying.
Psalm 51:10 - Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. (NIV)
In Jesus' name. Amen.